Going into this movie, I was aware of two words. The only two words that most everyone else knows about the plot: vagina dentata. Probably enough to scare a lot of people away, while simultaneously attracting the morbid curiosity of just as many. (Maybe more?) I wasn’t sure, though, if this would be an all out campy gorefest or if it would attempt to be a serious movie. I was actually pretty impressed by it.
The first thing you should know is that this is NOT a monster movie. You will not at any point see a scary, fang-toothed ladyparts monster baring its teeth while it seeks out its next victim. (However, there IS explicit penis. Quite a bit of it. Oh, and for the most part, it’s NOT a pretty sight when it appears due to the circumstances, as you can probably imagine.) Anyway, this actually feels more like an indie film with horror elements mixed in than a straight horror movie. According to the ‘net, it actually premiered at Sundance in the Independent Drama category.
The acting is really good. The afflicted character, Dawn, is very sympathetic and multi-dimensional. You feel bad for her, and when she’s introduced as a sweet and innocent vocal advocate for purity rings you cringe because you just KNOW something awful’s going to happen to her, and probably early into the plot. She is absolutely terrified of all things sexual and avoids them like the plague, and this is before she’s even fully aware that she has a full set of choppers inside her. What most impressed me about this movie, (before I even get into all the horror stuff), was the character arc the writer gives Dawn. She goes from a bright-eyed goody two-shoes to someone much stronger and more in control of her own destiny. Of course, she has to go through some pretty ridiculous s*** in order to get there.
Now, for the good stuff. As you can imagine, of COURSE there is dismembering going on. Literally. (Wahh wahh wahhhhhh!) It’s VERY bloody and VERY graphic. Close-ups and everything. So guys, you may want to take a valium with a stiff drink before you watch this. If dudes have issues watching “Hard Candy,” (which I’ll review another time), then I…can’t even imagine their reactions to this one. Fair warning.
Just because the movie is well acted, pretty well written and not overly campy doesn’t mean it’s not funny. It IS, and darkly so. Most of the time intentionally. (I think there were a few moments in which the characters were overreacting to things and it was supposed to be horrific or serious and I personally found it funny, but maybe it wasn’t necessarily supposed to be? Who knows.) A lot of the violent horror stuff was a delightful mixture of revolting and terrible to be witnessing but also hilarious due to the outcome. And oh man, do bad people get what they deserve in this movie!
Interestingly, this screenplay was written by a man. I’m not sure if he has some sort of personal vendetta against his own gender or what, but EVERY male character except one has horrible intentions towards Dawn. (Even a medical professional! Not only is THAT scene really sleazy and gross, but for me that was the least believable part of the whole thing. Even counting the vagina teeth themselves. When you watch it, let me know if you agree.) Dawn’s Step-Father is the only guy in the story who does not want to rape, molest, take advantage of her, or generally stick some part of his body into her no-no place. No wonder she developed those incisors as a survival mechanism! As far as specifically HOW that happened, it’s never addressed. But she does live in a town with a big power plant behind it. So, you do the math.
A couple of brief Negative Aspects:
You have to put up with John Hensley, that kid from “Nip/Tuck” who looks like Michael Jackson. He just bothers me for some reason.
There’s a brief scene in which a dog eats something really gross. That’s all I’m saying.
To sum up, I liked this movie more than I thought I would. It was well done, funny, and not ridiculous. The violent scenes are extremely graphic and satisfying to the horror fan. But if you’re the slightest bit squeamish about genital mutilation, this is not the movie for you.
Four and a Half out of Five Pints of Blood is my rating for this movie.
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