6/22/2012

Movie Review: "The Ruins" (2008)


Factual Fact #1: This film was made by Spyglass Entertainment AND Ben Stiller’s production company, Red Hour films, meaning it was partially produced by Ben Stiller! (It is NOT a comedy, nor is it a horror comedy. At all.)
Factual Fact #2: This film is based on a book that I have not read, but would like to at some point. I don’t know how the adaptation compares to the source material.
I had low expectations for this movie going in. All I knew was, it had something to do with killer plants, and Jena Malone was in the cast, and she’s cool because she always chooses weird roles and she was Gretchen in “Donnie Darko” and that movie pretty much rules always. But guess what? I LOVED THIS MOVIE, you guys. I’m going to start my review out by saying it gets 5 out of 5 pints of blood. That is the most possible pints!
In the great tradition of horror movies that confirm young Americans should never venture outside the borders of the United States for any reason whatsoever, this film starts out with two couples taking a fun vacation to Mexico. (What could possibly go wrong with that, right?) Well, if you meet someone there who says his brother is missing and he’s looking for someone to help him find the guy, follow the second rule and DO NOT be a good Samaritan. (So we’ve got two rules so far: Do not go to other countries and do not be nice to people you don’t know.) I should probably mention that what happens to the characters is not in any way the guy’s fault. It’s not like he purposefully leads them into danger; he’s just trying to find his bro. But STILL. Come on, guys! Just say, “Tough break, man.” And then go out for some authentic margaritas.
Anyways. Cut to: Some Mayan ruins. Lots of people visit stuff like this every day in real life because they want to “broaden their cultural horizons” or just see some shit that they haven’t seen before because it doesn’t exist in America and it’s all historical and junk. But if someone has gone missing and it could potentially be linked to said Mayan ruins, that means something about this place is FUCKED UP. And booooyyyyyy is it! I am going to try not to spoil the good stuff in this movie but at least hint at some things because I liked it SO much that I really want people to watch it. There’s a lot more to it than just dangerous greenery.
Okay, so first of all, you have the element of utter terror these people and their new friend are experiencing once they end up TRAPPED at the top of the ruins by a group of local villagers with GUNS who will not let them leave. If they try to set foot off of the thing, they will get SHOT DEAD. And they have no clue why. There’s a language barrier, so there’s no way to communicate what the fuck is happening.  It’s all a nightmarish descent downhill from there.
“The Ruins” gets very unnerving very quickly and it’s extremely bloody. (Also, NOT for the squeamish.) The gore factor is delightful and much higher than I expected. The way the “man eating vines” are used as far as how they choose to attack people is NOT monster movie-ish at all, but rather very disturbing and gross. The makeup and special effects are AWESOME. (I absolutely ADORE “Little Shop of Horrors,” but I assure you that you will not see a huge, foam rubber Venus Flytrap chomping down on anyone.)
Quick PSA:
Do you have issues with things crawling around UNDERNEATH a person’s skin? Do not watch this movie.
Do you have issues with amateur surgery done without the proper tools or anesthetic and seeing EVERYTHING, and I do mean EVERYTHING? Do not watch this movie.
Do you have issues with very grim, disturbing and sad things happening to people? Do not—You get the point.
The only downsides, in my opinion:
-          Alright. There’s something that happens that I think the screenwriter intended to come across as creative and creepy. (“OH! This is NEW!”) But it doesn’t. It’s probably one of the dumbest things I’ve seen in a horror movie in a while, and it briefly took me out of the film completely. I don’t want to say exactly what it is because again, I want EVERYONE to watch “The Ruins” and I don’t want to jeopardize the chances of that happening. But I will say that it involves flowers. And it’s really fucking dumb. You’re gonna be like, “What?! Are you kidding me with this shit? That is the dumbest thing ever!” But GUYS, please stick with the movie because I PROMISE you it just keeps getting better and better after that little hiccup. The movie just gets increasingly screwed up and wonderful and bloody and you’re going to forget all about the ridiculousness that just happened.
-          Some of the characters’ decisions and general behavior towards others are questionable. Then again, if I personally think a character is an asshole I then believe that every single thing that person does is the wrong move. I get attached to certain people and defensive, etc.
Overall, this movie is awesome. Before I watched it I wasn’t sure if I would even like it at all and I LOVED it. Even the ending is great. (A tad predictable, yes, but I still enjoyed it.) If you’re going to watch the dvd, get the Unrated Cut! That’s the one I watched. According to the most reliable source of all sources, the INTERNET, there are two other endings: The theatrical one, which isn’t very different from the one I saw but it’s more hopeful, which in this case doesn’t really fit the movie, and an ending that from my understanding wasn’t used anywhere and is VERY Hollywood friendly and like too many other things I’ve seen before, so I’m glad that one didn’t come into play. (Oh, and it also involves that dumb thing that I hated! Boo!) The point is, the best ending is on the Unrated Cut, which I think most horror fans would watch anyway because we all love our films Unrated. AmIright?
Again, 5 out of 5 Pints of Blood.


6/21/2012

Movie Review: "Insidious" (2011)


I had heard mixed reviews about this movie before I finally saw it, which was on DVD because I unfortunately missed it in the theater. Of course, said reviews meant nothing to me because this movie came from the writer/director team responsible for the “SAW” franchise, with which I am in a seriously devoted horror relationship that will last to my grave and beyond. Director James Wan and, (dreamy sigh), screenwriter Leigh Whannell/love of my life can do no wrong in my eyes. Not even “Dead Silence,” which the two of THEM do not recommend to their own fans. (But it’s mainly the studio’s fault on that one. Long story for a different day.)
Anyway, I watched this movie alone in my childhood bedroom back home while I was visiting my family for Christmas. It was late at night. I wanted to create “the mood,” so I turned off all the lights. About twenty seconds into the opening scene, I reached over and turned the lamp back on.
Look. I get annoyed by those horror fans that walk around with their chests puffed out saying, “Nothing scares me! Every horror movie is garbage! I am unshakable and awesome! Give me a fucking medal because I’ve never even felt uneasy for a second of my brave, ass-kicking life!” But the truth is, MOST of the time, I can handle movies with ghost-centric scares. Sometimes, I can’t. (See my past review of “The Haunting in Connecticut,” for example.) I ain’t too proud to admit that the first three-fourths of “Insidious” fucked my shit UP.
The acting is GREAT, first off. Rose Byrne pulls off a perfect portrayal of “terrorized by spirits” without going over the top and Patrick Wilson can handle pretty much any role in my opinion. You’ve also got Barbara Hershey NOT being the creepy one for once, (“Black Swan,” anyone?) and an effective performance by Lin Shaye, who portrays an odd, older woman who communicates with other realms. She just so happens to have two assistants with “Ghost Hunters” type equipment. One of them is named Specs and he’s played by none other than screenwriter/aforementioned love of my life, Leigh Whannell. Specs is a nerd. You will want to lock him in your van and propose marriage.
But back to the story. Since the actual TAGLINE on the poster is “It’s not the house that’s haunted,” and in the trailer itself Lin Shaye’s character also says, “It’s not the house that’s haunted. It’s your son.” (GASP!) I don’t feel responsible for spoiling anything when I say that I really liked the idea of moving to a new house doing absolutely nothing to fix the problem. How many times have you watched a movie involving ghosts frightening a family to the point of insanity and thought to yourself, “Just MOVE somewhere else, you stupid assholes?” Well, this family did it and the mean, scary ghosts fucking FOLLOWED THEM. That sucks so hard! Especially once they get to the new house, the stuff is even creepier and they find out more about what’s really happening. Now, this is the part of the movie where audiences tend to divide. Some people think the core ideas of the plot are kind of silly and some people think they’re cool and interesting. I was a mixture. However, there’s some pretty neat imagery that goes along with the concept.
What I LIKED about the movie:
-          Leigh Whannell as Specs (OBVIOUSLY.)
-          Effective scary ghost moments. Yeah yeah, a bunch of them rely on jump scares, but they’re done really well because the tension and suspense/dread leading up to those moments are pure torture.
-          *Some* of the scary, fairytale type imagery used in the last act of the movie, especially in the “dream house.” Though that whole sequence felt like it belonged in another movie.
-          One of the weirdest, WTF séance scenes you’ll probably ever see. For serious.
What I DIDN’T LIKE about the movie:
-          The last act did turn a bit too fairytale-ish for me and bordered on cheesy. Sometimes cheesy is good in horror, but only when the entire movie is that way. (Example: “Dead Alive,” which I haven’t reviewed yet.) The first half of “Insidious” REALLY gave me the creeps, and brief moments of the ending did as well, but the last half hour of so was hit or miss.  It also revealed a bit too much of the “monster,” so-to-speak, which in some cases can be a mistake and take some of the scariness away. I agree with several of my friends that stated the second half of the movie felt like an entirely different film altogether.
What I LIKED AND DIDN’T LIKE about the movie:
-          Okay, so there’s this one scene that flashes by quickly in the movie itself but also pops up on Google Image Search every single time you look for “Insidious.” It involves a black and red face that everyone and their HILARIOUS AND ORIGINAL brother says looks “exactly like Darth Maul,” which fans of this movie got sick of hearing a loooooong time ago. The first time you actually watch “Insidious,” though, nothing—let me emphasize that: NOTHING—can actually prepare you for the pure terror that is the five or six seconds of that goddamn fucking thing popping up behind Patrick Wilson’s head.  Check it: You’re already super creeped out by the scene that unfolds before it, (another example of how well James Wan builds dread and suspense to the point of making you super worried and uncomfortable), and before you’re able to even wrap your head around what’s happening, BOOM! Terrifying demonic face! Those fucking assholes.
This film, I think, kind of falls into the same category as The Ring. People either find it terrifying or they claim that they don’t. Whether you scare easily or not, I definitely think it’s worth at least one watch. You may be disappointed in the last half hour or so, though the silly/fairytale type elements still have some very creepy and cool imagery mixed in and the entire thing leads up to an unnerving ending that you may not expect.
Also, did I mention screenwriter Leigh Whannell is in it? Love of my life, guys.

Forgot to mention earlier that this one gets 4 out of 5 pints of blood!